Transition
Imagine you are going through a major life transition - maybe you have ended a significant relationship, have moved to a new city or your kids have flown the coop and you find yourself as an “empty nester”. Daily life has started to look and feel different, you may feel nervous, scared or timid. With some effort a major life transition can be a space for tremendous growth, it’s an opportunity to overcome fear and embrace change.
The first step to leveraging your transition into triumph is to identify why you are feeling fearful. Some common fears in a transition phase are fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of loss, fear of rejection and fear of judgment. Fear can be a powerful emotion and understanding what we are afraid of and why is the best way to tackle the feeling. Maybe you are uncertain what your new life situation will look like, it’s possible there are unknowns and that’s increasing your anxiety. Oftentimes a transition can mean leaving something or someone behind, this loss can feel profound and deep. It’s also possible that you are worried about putting yourself out there and the vulnerability that comes with change. Spend some time in contemplation to gain some discernment around what you are actually experiencing.
Once we have some idea of where the fear is coming from, it’s time for some mindset work.
Psychologist and author Carol Dweck says: "Believe in your ability to learn and grow, embrace challenges, persist in the face of setbacks, and recognize that effort is the path to mastery." For us, this means once we have some idea of where the fear is coming from, it’s time for some mindset work and working on increasing our resilience. Studies have shown that viewing challenges as an opportunity for growth greatly increases our ability to manage the stress of change. Look back on your past experiences and think about the skills you have learned from challenging situations and recognize that your current situation can provide you with the same opportunity for growth. Engage in self care. As you start to navigate your changed life give yourself time to adjust. Make sure you are sleeping and eating well and giving yourself time to relax. Spend time with friends and family, use this as an opportunity to strengthen your support network. If the need is there, consider seeking professional help.
You’ve recognized where fear is holding you back, worked through changing your mindset and becoming more resilient - all that’s left is for you to take some steps forward and embrace the change in your life. What kind of change do you want out of this moment in your life? If you’ve left a relationship, maybe it’s time for you to spend quality time with yourself, your friends or use your time to take up a new hobby. Maybe you new job is providing you with an opportunity to learn a new skill at work that will level up your career. Are you an empty-nester with a lot more free time? Maybe it’s time to start saving for the trip you’ve always wanted to take. No matter what it is you want to change, the best way to get from here to there is to create a plan. In my practice I encourage my clients to use the WOOP model:
W = Wish. What is your ultimate wish?
O = Outcome. If you get your wish, what would the outcome look like for you? What would it mean to you?
O = Obstacle. What obstacles do you foresee in your pursuit of this wish? It’s important to look wide & think this one through!
P = Plan. Now that you have a big picture idea, start breaking it down into manageable steps. Be specific, set due dates, ask someone to help hold you accountable!
Start working your plan, celebrate small wins along the way and be flexible enough to make adjustments if you need to. The beauty of these steps is you can cycle through them as often as you need. As you progress towards your goal you may feel some fear, you can spend some time identifying that, reframe your mindset and flex your resilience skills and make a revised plan to lean into the change.
