Joy as an Approach to Life
According to research professor and author Brene Brown, "Joy comes to us in moments—ordinary moments. We risk missing out on joy when we get too busy chasing down the extraordinary." This statement highlights an important distinction between happiness and joy. Happiness is often associated with external factors, such as material possessions or life events. It's the feeling we get when we achieve a goal or experience something positive. Joy, on the other hand, is an internal state of being that is not dependent on external circumstances. Recently I’ve settled on a joy/happiness distinction mantra of “Happiness is a response to life, joy is an approach to life.”
Considering this idea has prompted me to focus my coaching with clients on increasing their joy. By identifying values, passions, and strengths and then aligning actions with values, our clients can find purpose and meaning in their daily lives. Encouraging them to prioritize relationships and connections can extend fulfillment beyond momentary happiness.
This doesn’t mean disregarding happiness, it’s an important emotion that can add to feeling fulfilled and purposeful. Happiness, however, is typically linked to external events that we don’t have a lot of control over. Achievements, material possessions, and fleeting moments of happiness can all contribute to how we feel about ourselves and our life overall but practicing non-attachment to external forces can help balance the eventual letdown from happiness.
The Buddhist practice of non-attachment refers to developing a lack of attachment to our desires and attachments while still holding space for ourselves and others with care and compassion. Non-attachment can allow us to stay present and enjoy what is happening while also cultivating inner peace and calm. A good starting point for a non-attachment practice may be a mindfulness meditation practice of recognizing emotions, thoughts, and feelings as separate from self.
In addition to practicing mindfulness, gratitude practice is another way to cultivate the feeling of joy. Taking some time daily to practice gratitude allows us to focus on the positive aspects of our lives and to see even the smallest moments of joy that we may take for granted. Encouraging my clients to engage in some type of gratitude practice has encouraged the shift from external gratification to a focus on eternal peace and satisfaction.
While joy is sourced internally we can cultivate a joyful life by being of service to others. Building strong connections with others and in our community can be a significant factor in feeling joyful. Meditation teacher Jaya Rudgard says “We have a very strong tendency to view joy as something that either happens to us by change in lucky moments or as something that we get as the fruit, the reward, of good behavior or skillful cultivation. We can reframe that to think of joy as something we can offer as a gift to the world”.
One of my goals as a health and wellness practitioner is to help as many people as possible cultivate a sense of purpose and inner peace in their lives. I talk to my clients often about what balance would look like for them in all aspects of their lives, this includes balancing the external rewards of life with an internal sense of being. Often a new client will tell me they want to feel “happier” - this is always a cue to dig even deeper and help them grow to recognize the benefit of having a life full of joy. I have seen the benefits of this in my own life and the lives of my clients who have been willing to explore what fulfillment looks like for them.
